she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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