His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
