cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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