No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
