You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
