hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
