is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
