i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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