Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
