Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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