What a fucking waste of an outfit
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
