some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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