Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
