took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
