dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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