Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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