Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
