I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize