Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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