I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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