proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
