i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
