somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
