woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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