I think scott just propositioned me for sex
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
