Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize