I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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