I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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