I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
do herpes really smell.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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