there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize