from now on my penis is your penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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