Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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