tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
