why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
