i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
