He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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