his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
that's an acceptable place to lick
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
