I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
