hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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