I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
