He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
