I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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