I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
