It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
