If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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