I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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