I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
