remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
