Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
