Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
