hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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