Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
