I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
