This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
