it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
