do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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