It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
don't judge my taste in strippers
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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