I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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