I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
