we have officially lost it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
