When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
