we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
