I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
