the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
