I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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