We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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