I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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