I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
