the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so much tequila, so little girl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
